It’s easy to treat family and friends well. People who say they love you, treat you decent and will help you move because you are “family” or “friends.” What does it mean to be a family member or friend though?
We are taught to think that only blood-relations make someone family, or that someone can be married into the family. Only people that we know and trust and have hung out with more than a few times can be considered friends. We are taught they are the only ones to trust, the only people who will ever support us. That we should barely trust acquaintances, even much less, the hated enemy.
The enemy. The individuals we are taught to hate, and not study. The individuals we know NOTHING about. We just hate them, because for some reason, we know that they disagree with us. We know that they don’t like us somehow, so we decide to HATE them.
Universe forbid that these enemies ever show us any sort of disdain. There will be hell to pay if that enemy says anything behind my back, or even looks at me wrong. Revenge won’t be in the hands of karma, I’ll handle it myself. The enemy, if only they didn’t exist, if they were never around, oh how great life itself would be. There would only be my family and my friends, the people who agree with me, never say that I’m wrong, say they love me no matter what dastardly things I may do, and allow me to not have to grow, learn anything new, or even worse, compromise what I want to be true for my own self with what is true for my “self” and my enemy.
The enemy, it’s their fault I’m in this predicament. If they didn’t believe the way they did, the world would be a better place, we could all just get along finally. My enemy, for some reason I just can’t get over what they said to me, they don’t know me, they don’t know what I’ve been through. They’d never understand. My enemy thinks they know more than me, how dare them.
My family and friends never say they know more than me. They let me talk all I want, vent in frustration, hell, they even nod their head in agreement when I say things, even the mean things. My family and friends, sometimes they say they have other things to do when I need a hand, but that’s okay, they love me and therefore owe me for next time. Because they are my family and friends, they should be there for me regardless, but when they aren’t, I’m definitely allowed to be angry about it.
That’s okay, I’ll always forgive them, as long as they forgive me. But never my enemy, no matter what, I’ll never get to know them, they’ll always try to do me wrong. They’ll always look to stab me in the back no matter what, I just know it. I know my family and friends would never talk bad about me, no matter what I do wrong, we are related and have been friends since high school, we’re practically as much family as my family.
My damn enemy though, if only they’d get a clue, though I’ve never spoken to them. I cut them off or walk away whenever they try to speak because I just know they are saying something “stupid.” It’s not my fault they disagreed with me. Hell, they don’t even look like me. All my friends and family do though, and the one person who does look like my enemy, they agree with me too, although, we’ve never really talked much either, they were just always around growing up, so I basically know them, too.
I’ve never seen my enemy do anything wrong though, and I’ve never actually found out anything about them. I just assume most people grow up like me, and know how I think, so it’s only obvious that everyone around me should be just like my family and friends. My enemy is so different from me, and I don’t want to know why.
I don’t know why I don’t want to know, maybe it’s that fear of the unknown. I don’t like fear. Fear is scary. My enemy is scary. I don’t know them or anything about them, and I’m comfortable with my friends and family. I don’t want anything new. I just want to be left alone to do what I want, when I want.
The world can take care of itself, I should be able to live how I want. I don’t want to save the world. I don’t need anyone else but my family and friends, who are supposed to be there through thick and through thin. So what if I’m selective about who I’m around, it just makes life easier, and life is hard enough as it is. Sure, I’ve never gone out of my way to do new things, learn about new people, or study my enemy….because who wants to study someone they hate? I don’t even need a reason, I don’t know them and I don’t care to. I don’t want to ask them questions because I just know I won’t like what I hear. So they can piss off. Just leave me alone and let me be.
My enemy, I want them to be the problem so that I’m not. So that I don’t have to change. Things are easy right now. I don’t want to learn anything else. I don’t care about my enemy. They can die. Change is annoying. Why should I have to change my views? I want to be right.
Though, what if, I just changed my attitude about my enemy? What if, they might be just as cool as me, or better? What if they had some new information that could help me out in life? What if their newness is exactly what I really want, and I’m convincing myself otherwise? What if, I’m just worried about my family or friends being mad that I made a new friend? We aren’t allowed to meet people outside of the group, it’s just us, only we are allowed in the group.
But, I can’t call them my enemy forever, it’s been so long since we disagreed, and I want to find out why. I have to know if they are my enemy. They’ve never done anything wrong to me, and even if they did, it couldn’t be worse than the friends and family that have let me down. But they love me so it’s okay. I don’t know this “enemy” so there’s no way they could “love” me how my family and friends do.
For once though, just for once, I will give my enemy a chance. I want to know why they “disagree,” even though I don’t know if they actually do disagree. I want to know why we’ve never spoken. I want to feel for myself what type of person they are. I want to learn something new. Life can’t just be the same old circle of people saying and doing the same old things all the time. That’s what scared people do. Just once, for a while, I’m going to do me. I’m going to learn. I made my enemy my enemy, but maybe they don’t see me that way, maybe it’s me. Maybe, just maybe, it’s my own thoughts. Maybe it’s what I’ve been taught. Maybe I’ll treat my enemies like I want to be treated, and we will see how they react. Maybe they aren’t my enemy. Maybe I’m the enemy.
Maybe I’m my own worst enemy. Not anyone else. I’m the enemy. And I won’t be the enemy anymore. I’ll be the friend, the family. I’ll be the one to change. I’ll be the one to adapt. Only then can we really know if my enemy is really my enemy, or if the real enemy is my “self.”
My enemy holds the answer. But is my enemy outside, or within?